lizartist's Cancer Blog
November 30, 2006
| Now I'm really in it | Views: 789 |
So I keep having these images of dying on the operating table. I thought I’d ask if my boyfriend could hold my hand throughout the operation to make sure I don’t die.
I am so afraid.
I don’t want to just disappear.
My mom died a few years ago, just like that. Went into the hospital in pain, they operated on her, she went into a coma and never woke up. I never got to have another conversation with her, she couldn’t say goodbye.
They called me to ask if they could pull the plug, as everything was “slowing down”. My mother had begged me to never let her become a “vegetable”, a senseless being on a table. I told them to let her go.
I don’t want my daughter to lose her mother to the black nether world of doctors and machines.
I can’t make sense of anything, I am barely able to listen to anyone and I feel like I’m getting a cold.
On the plus side, I went to my art class today and had a nice lunch with my boyfriend.
09.13.08 - 
Thanks for your support -
Considering what happened to your mom, I think your fears of “dying on the table” are understandable! I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I’m so sorry you lost your mom. Please hang in there. Our minds are so powerful…just remember that those same images of yourself dying can be turned around. I know you’re feeling crappy…but maybe try visualizing yourself coming out of all this healthy, happy, and better than before. Those positive thoughts are stronger than we realize. You sound like a very strong, intelligent person, and I know there’s someone out there who could learn form your inner strength.
How are you doing Liz? Haven’t heard from you in awhile. Hope you are okay.
Hi Liz,
I’m new here so I’d like to say hello.
I see you haven’t posted for awhile so I hope that’s a good sign.
I think you will find that the more torture you endure and survive, the stronger you will get.
I know how defiled and assaulted you feel, we all did, it’s a dirty, ugly disease. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and truer words were never spoken.
Just hang in there, try to develop a positive attitude, have faith in a higher power and keep focused on the fight. Your daughter needs you.
and please keep posting…........